i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
