Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
