True but thats because hes a fetus.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
