I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
