took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
