do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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