Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
