Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NoShamevember. You game?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
