I hate your face
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
