I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
