If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
