im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
