there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
