we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
