Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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