I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
