my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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