My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
