I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
