I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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