Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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