I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is my gift to your gina
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
