Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
