I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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