God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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