Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
