Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
there is glitter all over my balls
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