I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
