no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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