She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
