do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
