She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
