I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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