i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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