Those balls look pretty dangerous.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Watching her eat just hurts me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
