Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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