I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
