I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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