I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
