I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
