Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
