whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
