he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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