Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
