Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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