ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
