Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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