plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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