I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
