This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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