ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
