i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
