Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
